Redefining Happy

Have you ever wondered if you just don’t know how to be happy anymore?

I don’t mean to say I am miserable, because that is so far from the truth it’s not even in the same realm. However, what I’ve noticed lately, in reading blogs, talking to friends and following along on Twitter is that a lot of people? They aren’t happy.

And I don’t mean everyone is walking around depressed and hating life. And I don’t just mean that people complain a lot, because of course we do. I’m pretty sure that’s what most Tweets are comprised of – complaints. What I mean is, it seems like most people are living in some sort of dissatisfaction with their lives, and mostly? I think this relates to the small stuff.

I am just as much of a culprit as the rest of you.

I in no way mean to belittle serious life problems that many people face. There are a lot of things in this world that I think are worth being unhappy about. Sick children, lost family members, an impossibility to make ends meet. However, for the most part, for most of us? We’re so busy living in the part of our brains that think we would be happier if X changed, that we don’t take the time to enjoy and appreciate the things that are just right, the things that should make us happy, the things we have.

I often find myself doing this, and I am going to make a conscious effort to knock it off. Nobody likes a complainer. I certainly don’t. So why is it I spend so much of my day focusing on the things that irritate me, when I have this beautiful, amazing child who I SHOULD be focusing on?

Exhibit A:

When I stop and think about it, it’s ridiculous that I do anything but smile and beam from ear to ear on the daily. It is INSANE to think I could find anything to complain about. I have a nice house, a beautiful healthy child, a husband who loves me and a family I adore. I have a collection of the best friends anyone could have, I live in an AMAZING place where I can view the mountains from my spot at the beach, and I am already at my pre-pregnancy weight. Seriously, what is it I can find to bitch about?

Like I said, the small things.

I get annoyed when I travel all the way to the store, only to discover they are out of the 1 thing I need. As if in some big cosmic fuck you, the stars aligned just to annoy me. I don’t stop to think about the hundreds of possible reasons WHY they are out of what I need, and what that could mean for any number of other people in the world. Maybe someone had a death in the family and was unable to make a delivery? Maybe the weather has messed up a farmers field SO BAD, he just doesn’t have the cucumbers to give. And maybe? Some lazy stock boy is too busy smoking a joint to put the new palate out (in which case, I am back to being annoyed. At least share the drugs boy!). My point is, sure it’s annoying but ruin your whole day annoying? I think not.

I also find myself pouting over things like the fact that we have a stupid 2-door car, which is old and stupid and makes getting the car seat in and out a backbreaking impossibility. I am so with the longing for something better. I whine and bitch, and feel like EVERYONE ELSE has a newer, better family car. And you know what? They don’t. Some people have no car, some people have older, stupider cars and some people? Just shut up and stop trying to live up to the Jonses.

My point it, I’ve noticed a pattern in myself lately and I’m not liking it. I am sweating the small stuff. I am getting caught up in the things I want and don’t have, and neglecting to revel in the daily enjoyment of the things I do. I am so busy wishing things were this way or that, wishing my relationship was like so-and-so’s or that my baby could do this or that, that I am actually missing out on life. And I am doing a disservice to myself, and to my family.

I don’t want Everly to grow up with this attitude. No. I want her to maintain her childhood ignorance, I want her to enjoy every day, and I want her to learn that from me.

So how do we change this? The thing is, I don’t think I am alone in feeling the way I do. In fact, I know I am not. We all do this. Part of it? Is the whole mentality that we have to have and do it all to be happy. I blame the media, Hollywood, Soap Operas and talk shows. The other part of it is that since we’re ALL SO BUSY trying to be the perfect everything, we don’t talk about this stuff with other people. I know I go around thinking a lot of my friends have happy, perfect lives free from petty car hating worries. I assume they all wake up glowing and excited every morning, ready to spend time loving their child and plotting some sort of kinky welcome home for their partner. I assume I am the only one who thinks and feels the way I do and THAT? Just exacerbates my feelings of inadequacy at life, which leads to more dissatisfaction and unhappy feelings.

I cannot possibly be the only one who sits on her couch at 11:40am, still in her pajamas, teeth unbrushed, hating on her dust bunnies while blogging about bitching about being unhappy. I just can’t. I’ve actually started to look for dirt in other people’s houses to make myself feel better about my inability to keep up with the housework around here. At first I thought this was a sick and twisted thing to do, but now? Now I realize it helps me be happy. And not because I am laughing at my friends, but because I am SO relieved to know I NOT the only person on this planet who is having a hard time keeping up with all the things life throws at her. Also, it helps me remember that instead of cleaning my floors? I choose to live a fun and fulfilling life, which means showing my daughter the world outside our house.

I’m babbling.

The point it, the more I ask people, the more I really take the time to listen, to read, to observe and understand? The more I realize I am not alone. In fact, I am in far too good of company. Too many of us think we are unhappy, and that? Just makes us unnecessarily unhappy.

So for me personally? I am going to try to stop being so frustrated and saddened by what I am missing in my life, and start to enjoy the things I do. I am going to realize that I have it pretty good and that one day? One day I’ll get a new car and that even if I never ever do? It really does not matter in the grand scheme of things.

I am going to redefine happiness for myself. I am going to remember that being happy has nothing to do with having things, or not having dust bunnies. It has nothing to do with living up to someone else’s standards, or being able to compare yourself to someone else. No, it has to do with not only accepting the things you do have, but truly enjoying them. It’s a choice you need to make, a choice to look around and find things to smile at. And whether that’s the fruit on the trees or the sun in the sky, it doesn’t matter, as long as you’re allowing yourself to be happy.

So what about you? Are you truly happy? And if not, what can you do to redefine happiness for yourself so that you are?

Tagged as: Happiness