Sex, Love & Bonding – An IntroductionMay 8th, 2012
(the amount of times this has turned into Sex, Love & Bondage are innumerable but, I assure you that’s not what this is about…well at least not totally but, It can be if you’re into that sort of thing!)
Not too long ago I wrote a post. A post which was personal without getting TOO personal. A post I wasn’t sure would go over well. One I wasn’t even sure Tracy would want to post on LWM, but I wrote it anyway. It was this post, on how Working Moms Need Sex Too!
And then it happened. All of you overworked, undersexed moms came out of the woodwork. Comment after comment, Twitter DMs, emails, they came pouring in. Everyone exclaiming the same thing.
“That is so me!”
“My husband and I are going through this!”
“I showed this to my partner because we need HELP!”
“I feel like you took the words right out of my mouth!”
And so on and so forth. It turns out, the hubs and I are not the only ones guilty of letting life take over and putting our relationship on the back burner in light of other more pressing issues one in awhile.
I chatted with friends about this for awhile, and I formulated a plan. If everyone is having the same problems, and we’re all looking for ways to solve it, then shouldn’t we work together? And no, I don’t mean that in some sort of “let’s start a commune and become swingers” way. I mean that in the “if I can fix me I can fix you along with me” way.
Of course, I knew I couldn’t do it all on my own. First of all, my situation is MY situation, and not everyone can resonate with it. Secondly? We are talking about love, sex and romance here and I am far from the authority on any of those things. And lastly? While I am fundamentally without shame, the personal nature of this subject puts me in the position of having to tread lighting, because some things really are personal, despite how I may appear online. So I recruited my fellow sexified interweb friends Brandy and Alicia to help me out. After copious amounts of text messaging (thanks iMessage!) and gChats, and no less than 26 outbursts of hysterical laughter, we settled on a plan of attack. We would each blog about our experiences, continually over the next month or so, with the hope it helps others, including ourselves. We will also be recruiting some guest posters, who are willing to spill the dirt about what goes on behind closed doors…or at least how they manage to get there.
This is a series we’re embarking on here. We hope to share our ups, our downs (not like that pervs!), our highs and lows, our advice and commiserations, and our successes. We expect nothing out of this, other than to help the rest of you get the conversation (figuratively or literally) going in your bedroom. Sex can be hard to talk about, and for women especially, it can be hard (pun not intended!) to get busy when you’re feeling disconnected from your partner and overwhelmed by all the hats you wear. It can so easily be pushed to the side. The “not now” “I am tired” “what about the dishes” narrative constantly running in your head. None of that gets me in the mood, and I suspect it doesn’t get you in the mood either.
We are here to tell you that you can have the relationship that YOU want, and that if you put some effort into enjoying yourselves together, a lot of the other things will just seemingly fall into place. This is an honest account of what each of us have been through, and how we perceive sex and romance to impact OUR personal lives. We only hope that you can relate to one of us, and that when all is said and done your life is somewhat better…and of course full of more orgasms.
To kick us off, I start by introducing your resident Working Mom Sexologists…..but again, we’re not professionals (like really at all), so take this at face value:
Preggo Diva Brandy:
Hi! I’m Brandy (with a Y). Currently 29, working full time as a software developer and mom to a 2.5 year old and a fetus due in July. But more importantly, I am a wife to a smokin hot piece of man meat, K, for going on 7 years. We met in college nerding out which in turn lead to making out…and then here we are. Even with a toddler and a big belly, I can be found salivating over him in his skinny jeans and t-shirts.
I wanted to be a part of this series because I understand the value of intimacy in a relationship and I also think I bring a different perspective about it. I am not one to be “romanced” in the general sense. I don’t care about flowers and romantic movies. I don’t need a production to be “in the mood.” I like the simple things: Laughing until I snort. Trying new ice cream places. Shopping together. This makes me the most excited on a date night. When we are both having a great time, I am in my element. But that being said, the stars don’t always align. We get sick, busy and just plain tired. We let sex fall by the waste side and before we know it, we are in a rut and pissy with each other. It takes some balancing and I am excited to work at getting better as well as share my story for the greater mommy good…even pregnant.
Hot Mama x3 Alicia:
Alicia: not-yet-30yrs old, married ::gulp:: seven years to one smokin hot uber-patriot, mother to three (!!)…and no more. No seriously, snipped and closed that baby factory almost two years ago. Ryan and I are in the unique position of having survived a year of our marriage that was filled with self-esteem and emotional issues and have made this seventh year itch a laughable anecdote. We have every built-in excuse to pocket the intimacy in our marriage in favour of a thousand other pressing issues of just life in general. At almost a decade of being together, it wouldn’t shock anyone.
But instead? Oh instead we’ve made the spark in our marriage burn hotter. HOTTER, PEOPLE. With the threat of more babies gone, we found our way back to playfulness and a more sophisticated version of our dating selves. We want our daughters to be hopelessly in love with their husbands…the way they’ll always see me with their dad. I want to bring the perspective of “the preoccupied married-for-awhile-why-are-these-kids-sleeping-in-my-bed-let’s-go-the-couch-hey-hey-hey”. I’m just as excited to find some new ideas to bring to those inevitable lulls that happen when you just let it slip. Not that kind of slip…yet;)
Uno Babe Brandee:
I’m the one with 2 E’s. The other Canadian (like Alicia EH!), and apparently the old fart. 32, married for almost 4 years, and the mother of a spirited 2 year old. My husband and I have been together around 7 year, but have known each other for closer to 14. We have one of those weird love stories where, I knew him when I was WAY young and he proceeded to pine over me (unbeknownst to me) for several years before the stars aligned and we actually got together. Magic right?
Nothing is without challenge. In the span of 2 years, we bought a house, made and baked a baby, I enjoyed an entire year off work, and then hubs lost his job for almost the entire following year. Financially it was difficult, but emotionally it was borderline suffocating. There were countless reasons to fall apart; self-esteem takes a hit, stress runs high, finances, children, decisions etc etc etc… it is enough to make you want to just give up. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that that was hard. In the end, the sale of our house and his recent employment at a kickass company have us back to a place we can focus on us. Us. Us now means 3 people, and that creates its own challenge.
I feel like we’re in a unique situation, where we’re trying to learn again how to be the partner the other needs, and now in this new life. With so much time focusing on how to survive, we lost sight of the need to connect. There is a difference between emotional support and feeling together, and when you take the intimacy out of the relationship it can have dire consequences. Resentment, hurt feelings, and the sense you may just be living with a glorified roommate takes a toll on both your head and your heart. So we’re working on it, together, and things are going great…but I’m going to focus on making them awesome!
So there you have it. That is the Who, the What, the Why…..and now was just have to sort out the How? We hope you’ll stay along for the ride. If you’d like, this is our handy dandy little badge.