Ahhh Kristi, how I love you so. I laughed my ass off reading this post, and that is EXACTLY the point of this guest blogger series. Hearing these stories helps me feel like less of a pathetic loser for crying on the daily, or calling my mom to ask her why she didn’t shake me as a child. It helps me to know I’m not the only one who sends my husband messages like “I cannot fucking DO this! I was NOT cut out for motherhood”. And it helps me realize that my plot to sneak out in the night, fly clear across the country and send child support to my husband doesn’t make me a bad mom (ok maybe DOING it would?).
So read, enjoy and love Kristi as much as I do. And when you’re done leaving her comments here, go check out her site and leave her some love there. She deserves it!
Shit & Soy-Sauce
Disclaimer: I cuss. If you don’t like that. I would advise to probably skip this post. Thanks =)
So I would say I have several different categories of “losing my shit”. I lose it often, for multiple reasons.
I’m not kidding you, I text my husband at least once a week telling him “I’m about the lose my fucking mind”. I am proud to say that I haven’t texted him once with those words since we have moved!
Living with the in-laws? I almost lost my mind on the daily. See?
There’s the time when MJ was5 days old and suffering from severe gas & I was a new Mom and my baby wouldn’t stop crying from 10pm-4am, no matter WHAT I DID. I rubbed the belly, swung him back and forth, laid skin to skin, I tried it all. All whilst BALLING my eyes out & ugly crying the entire time. I was crying, my husband was crying, my Mom was crying because she felt left out of the crying party & wanted to join too.
Or, how ’bout the time I was changing MJ & he reaches down to play with his favorite toy. (his weiner) & instead grabs a handful of shit . I scream, “NOOOOOOOOOO” it scares him & then he wipes the handful of shit on his forehead. That was an, “Oh my fucking god this is my life” moment for sure!
Teething? My child is constantly teething. He has 8 teeth & looks like 3 more that I can presently see brewing. Sometimes teething is NBD (no big deal). Other times…..Yes, the other times you ask? He wakes up inconsolable at 3am & gets brought into our room where the only thing that shuts him up after 30 minutes of solid scream-crying is a tylenol cocktail & an episode of “Sabrina The Teenage Witch”. The damn black talking cat is the only thing to shut him up. Like instantly. We all laid in bed & watched Sabrina cast Love spells on Harley while the smug ass cat sits back & talks his shit. All while Daddy has to wake up in an hour for work. After we put him back to bed I laid in bed & thought to myself, “this is what parenthood is, I have a lifetime of this shit left. What the fuck was I thinking, I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this shit.” I had a serious moment of reflection there…
Then there’s days like one that happened a month or two ago. I walk from the living room to my bathroom to take care of my business. I’m gone a total of 1:30. I come back to a child that is drinking soy sauce & playing with it all over the coffee table & the living room carpet. I learned a valuable lesson that day: Always put the soy sauce back after you are done consuming sushi in front of the TV, ’cause you never know when your child will decide the bottle of the salty, dark goodness, is his new favorite toy. I laughed like a crazy person when I came out of the bathroom. I couldn’t believe what my eyeballs were seeing. It was a creepy, oh-my-god-this-is-what-insanity-feels-like kinda laugh. Almost euphoric. Oh, what? You don’t believe me?
Mishaps happen. Teething happens. Shit happens (literally). Bad days happen. But, those days are all days that I chalk up to learning experience. I learn from those moments. And the next time they happen I have a better hold on my sanity & the situation at hand. I never expected this gig to be easy. The good times outweigh the bad times by a thousand. I Love my son, even if he does think wiping shit on his face is a good idea. Being a Mom is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Ups & Downs, shit & soy-sauce, I wouldn’t trade this gig for anything!
xoxo – Kristi
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Gas crying non stop, check. Teething, check. Wiping poop on self, check. I guess all I have to look forward to is soy sauce!
Great post!
Nikki´s last [type] ..Confessions
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 10:26 am
I’m pretty sure the Soy Sauce incident will be in my brain for many, many years. Perhaps I will tell his children about it one day!!!
Kristi Maristi´s last [type] ..Happy
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♥ it is so nice to know we all have those moments! I have not had that experience with the soy sauce but have had MANY moments of *OH SHIT!*
loved it !!
Devan @ Accustomed Chaos´s last [type] ..Follow Friday Guest Post: Overcoming A Breastfeeding Obstacle
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At least it was the bottle of soy sauce MJ found and not the bottle of sriracha! Sounds like it’s getting easier to laugh at his antics than to freak out over them. (And he is a seriously cute little boy!)
Kara´s last [type] ..Stop Making Me Cry! (A Gleek-Out)
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 10:25 am
OH LORD, Sriracha would have been AWFUL.
Kristi Maristi´s last [type] ..Happy
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Oh man, I don’t know what I would do if Nolan wiped shit across his head. He constantly grabs at his favourite toy too…lmfao
jess; [the bottle chronicles]´s last [type] ..Just Get Back Up {when it knocks you down}
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Soy sauce – that made me gag. Strangely enough, the shit on the forehead didn’t. Weird.
Lori´s last [type] ..Guess what? Writing is a specialized skill!
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 10:24 am
For three days the entire upstairs of the house reeked of soy sauce and cleaning solution. It was disgusting, I would have taken shit in the forehead again over the soy sauce incident. Shit was cleaned up with a few baby wipes. Soy sauce was an ordeal.
Kristi Maristi´s last [type] ..Happy
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I have teenagers now and, while I won’t ever say things are perfect because that’s unrealistic, isn’t it?, I will tell you that it all works out in the end, is worth every second of good and bad and you will be rewarded… my blog describes some of the adventures when your kids are older, would love for you to visit! Chin up (and a glass of wine helps) we all travel down the same path!!
Been there, done that! http://sweetmercifulcrapandotherthings.blogspot.com/2010/05/been-there-done-that.html
Queen Momma´s last [type] ..Can Chihuahas swim ??
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I probably would have lost my mind with the soy sauce!
Katherine´s last [type] ..Not just a Super Dad!
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Oh, my, I LOVE how this has turned into a major gross-fest. Among the things I have fished out of my kids mouths are dog poop and half a cricket (yeah, half). I found my youngest son, 3 at the time, standing in the door of the fridge gulping mustard out of the bottle and when my eldest was a toddler, he ate half a stick of butter. I caught my eldest son walking around the house with a can of prunes when he was 2, just snacking his little heart out. On that one? The gross came later. I only know a few things in life with absolute certainty, and this is one:
Kids are gross.
Adrienne´s last [type] ..Tears and Triumph – Mostly Tears, Though
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 4:38 pm
I’ve had an incident with milo and a fossilized poodle turd once that is similar to yours. Kids are totally GROSS.
Kristi Maristi´s last [type] ..Happy
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I would drink soy sauce if it wouldn’t be socially awkward. Mmmm…. salt.
LiLu´s last [type] ..My Horoscope Said NOTHING About A Full Moon.
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Oh my gosh I was laughing so hard reading this my husband was like “What is so damn funny” then I
told him about the poopy forhead. Hehe. I loved this guest blogging week.
Ashley G.´s last [type] ..Giveaway over at Elle the Heiress
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 4:37 pm
It wasn’t funny at the time. I was like frozen, I didn’t knwo wtf to do. But, later on that night I was laughing about it.
Kristi Maristi´s last [type] ..Happy
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you are one funny mama kristi!! i have a story of the ‘welcome to motherhood’ i got from my oldest. it involved poop, body parts and a bedroom. i’m not sure if i would be forgiven if i actually tell that story. she’s old enough that i embarrass her now….
mama23bears´s last [type] ..what’s for dinner tonight?
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Kristi Maristi Reply:
June 11th, 2010 at 4:36 pm
I can not wait to where Milo is the age to which he can be embarrassed by his father and I. It’s definitely going to be awesome.
Kristi Maristi´s last [type] ..Happy
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HA! What a great story and an awesome picture to go with it! You really had me rolling. I even read this outloud to my boyfriend whom I caught with a huge smile…probably remembering back to times of giving his own mother shit. Man, being a baby is hard work isn’t it? Hahaha…my parents like to tell the story of me pulling down the Christmas tree three times in a row one year until they had to chain it to the wall. Things only get better my dear…
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Did the soy ever come out? If so, you should post your remedy. Lord knows, we will all have one of “those” days. Dustin has taken to throwing his food when he does not want to eat it. I think their is yogurt on my ceiling. Luckily, this phase is almost over and I am concerned what he will choose to terrorize me with next. Cheers!
Dani_Zaz´s last [type] ..If I weren’t me, I’d be…
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