Threenaged Back Seat DriverAugust 23rd, 2013
I don’t know when my child decided that she wins at driving but, as of late she is THE WORST back seat driver and I’m getting a case of the rage.
I don’t understand it really because, it’s not a learned behaviour. My husband and I share the driving equally and we never really critique one another. I mean, despite living here for something like 15 years the man can still
often sometimes get lost so I do offer the odd “take the next right” but rarely if ever do either of us tell each other to “SLOW DOWN” or “GO THE SPEED LIMIT”. However our womb fruit? All up in the driving business.
We’ve tried to explain that it’s not really her job to drive or dictate which way we go. I’ve told her one day when she drives SHE can make the decisions. She has informed us that her feet will not reach the pedals and thus, she will never drive, and my fear of her being a teen driver means I will let her believe that until she’s 90.
Nothing changes the fact that she is the world’s most incessant, and adorable but kind of obnoxious, back seat driver. And let’s be honest, only half of what she’s saying is actually accurate.
Here are some of the recurrent gems (props for her not dropping any F-Bombs because I may or may not use them on the commute some days…):
“Can you go around that person?”
“That person is driving too fast/slow/busy” (busy, I don’t know?)
“I don’t want to be behind that car, I want to be in front of it” (this is of course complicated by the fact that MOST of the time, she mixes up “in front” and “behind” and then is angry at me when I respond the wrong way).
“You can turn left here”
“That’s where the gas station is you can take me to go pee” (she’s obsessed with peeing in gas stations. It’s literally a sickness.)
“Why are we going this way?”
“I don’t like that car because it’s red/hot/old/present”
“That light over there is green….GREEN MEANS GO!” (right, and it does, only, there is an order here and I can’t drive over the guy in front of me or you know, go on the opposing green).
“Are you going the speed limit?” (yes and also? This is city driving, mostly I WISH I could get UP to the speed limit. Also, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?)
“Mommy we live THAT way!” (no no we don’t, if I drive that way we better hope this Subaru converts to a submarine).
It is, a bit trying. I realize this sounds like “whatever no big deal WHY ARE YOU WHINING?” but, it’s just, constant. For the most part, she’s just being her adorable precocious self but, you know, it doesn’t stop. Some days she quite literally critiques each and every move I make. And while I know that I should be the adult and not take driving criticism from a 3.5 year old seriously, sometimes I just want to get out and let her drive….only, her feet don’t reach the pedals.
Does anyone else’s kid do this? It’s like some sort of torture based on bringing me back to being 16 and learning to drive.